I’m on the sofa again tonight trying to figure out what I did wrong this time. I can’t sleep and just want to be on my own with the baby monitor up high.

This week has been a bad week for my depression, we all go through our good stages (and by good I mean we can actually get out of bed and get on things with almost a smile on our face) and we go through our bad bits. This week has been a low, maybe I’m over thinking everything waiting for this counselling session, maybe it’s the early morning starts from a sleepless bear, maybe it’s trying to hard to be normal that it’s had a counter effect. What ever the reason I can’t control it, there’s no on or off switch it’s just something that, unfortunately for you, you have to deal with. 

But when you say you’ve  left me to it this week and just let me get on things doesn’t give me the confidence you said you were going to try. When you say there are things your not happy with but there’s no point in arguing because it doesn’t work just makes me feel even worse about myself. You’ve been a bad week seem completely worthless.

What did I do wrong? Did I forget to wash the dishes? Forget to tidy up the baby toys? Did I go straight up to bed after work rather then wait for you? What did I do wrong? 

Do you want me to list the things I was mad at you this week? Do you want me to tell you how tired I am of this life? Do you know how hard it is to stay and how hard it is to leave?

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